What's Your Function? or How L.A. & N.Y. finally managed to get along...

That's right, kids. It's that time again. The return of the Hotter than ever, and even Fresher tag-team post. FB's return couldn't be better timed, because this post wouldn't be right without him!! So let's get this Monday afternoon party started...





Wonder Twin powers....ACTIVATE!!!

FB: Form of...a Mojito!
Jay: Shape of ...a Lounge Lizard!

This Sunday, we ventured down to Silverlake. Good friends of a good friend (the much missed Princess - hi baby!!!) invited us along to the annual Sunset Junction, where they close down like four blocks (more like ten dude) and have a party. Freak flags fly and food and music waft simultaneously through the air. We thought it would be a good time. Then, out of curiousity, we checked out the roster for Sunday's musical guests. My heart stopped. 8:30pm. The. New. York. Dolls. As quickly as I could, I told FB. Oh my GOD!!!! The New York Dolls!!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! The annual conjuction junction, Sunset Junction that has a great function. It gets all the hip and hip replacements a chance to get together in an intoxicating enviroment. Conducive (Conducive? Who taught you such big words? Have you been reading the dictionary?!?!) to good times and loud music. We gots the gays and the straights. Bear daddies and pretty boy twinks . 80's Punk kids who were born in 1990 rubbing faux mohawks with actual punk rockers who overdosed more times than these kids have celebrated birthdays. Everyone is invited. It f*ck'n rocks. So whatever. I got a little drunk. He's kidding - we didn't have lunch and drank before we ate dinner. So we got wasted. And being Monday, no menudo. That sucks. I did have some pan dulce for breakfast this morning, though. That's one step towards getting on that damn list... I think pan dulce works. I felt so much better after consuming two of the three I had.

OH my GOD!!!! THE NEW YORK DOLLS!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

But J and I got down there around 5 and it was bloody hot. It' was like my ass crack was doubling for the movie A River Runs Through It. It was that hot. Seriously - it was hotter than crotch at a bathouse. When you live in the Valley, nay when you've grown up in the Valley and you think it's too hot, it's fuckin' hawt!! We met our new friends who we stole from our English Rose who is away. So since she isn't using her friends J and I will. They are so great. I like meeting nice people. I always turn to J. at the end of a day when hanging out with nice people and go, "I'm so not that nice!" "I wish I could be. But I know I'll never be that nice." I think it's a midwest thing. People seem to be so nice once they move somewhere cool like LA. I'm sorry for y'all who don't think LA rocks but it so does. Screw you. I'm so in love with my city right now. Oh my GOD!! It's the NEw YorK DoLLs!!! AAHHHH!!!

I'm so hung over I can't write. Sorry. So here are some pictures to give you a visual on the event. Ahh NEWYORKDOLLS!!!!

This is what part of the festival looked like. There was like a kajillion people there. And only one fight. That I saw at least. Shockingly, it didn't smell bad and I totally expected it to be rank. Of course, I was drunk so maybe I didn't notice. For all I know, I stunk up the joint. By the time we got back to my place, I had to take a shower, so maybe...



This is seriously like half of what the fest looked like. They closed off like 10 blocks of Sunset Blvd. So cool. Lot's of fair food. J and I ate some yummy stuff. But we didn't stop by the intestinal bomb stand (you mean danger dogs?!?!? ugh.) or funnel cake stand to the rest of you. It looked good. But I had to save room for "lemonade". Hurray for flasks.

Then I stalked this dog in a drunken haze for about ten minutes. This dog is wearing boots!!!! Shoes on a dog!!! What a hoot!!! And now we know what happened to Paris Hilton's abandoned Tinkerbell!



Then we waited in line to get more "lemonade". The we saw this guy. He was having people sign a petition. For what I don't know. but I think his shirt gives us a clue. I love the look on this guy's face. I guess he just found out what it was for.



By the way the guy in the shirt was cute. I mean, any guy who can rock dolphin shorts, a fanny pack, 80's bandana and be on roller blades is hot. Has to be to pull off that sh*t. I should've signed his petition. AAAHHHH!!!!! The New York Dolls!!!!!!

FB totally forgets one part of day that rocked every casbah in the freakin' multiverse. Back in the day, when FB and I dated (almost ten years ago - crikey!), we had a partner in crime to go out dancing and drinking with. We reveled in being the teenage twinkies. But in the last few years, we'd fallen out of touch and weren't sure what happened to our dear friend. Lo and behold as we're walking stumbling down the street and there he is, passing out flyers for one of the booths. It was one of those moments the universe has in store for you that makes you stop and think. Connect with new friends, reconnect with old friends - how much luckier could we get?!?! Oh yeah.... Actually I wasn't going to talk about it. I missed my friend like hard core. I really thought he was dead. I was so sad. If you get caught up in the gay "lifestyle" it tends to chew you up and spit you out. I had a mexican vision my friend wasn't doing well and when I saw him I almost cried. But I was to drunk to have emotions so I just hugged him a million time. I'm so happy I found him. Count your blessings kids. AAAHHHH THE NEW YORK DAAWWWWLLLLZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we come to that special part of the night. When I got to see a certain band perform. The funny thing is I had no idea they were headlining the final night until a couple hours before we showed up. I love happy surprises. Actually, I hate surprises but this was a good one. So running all through my head was, "AAHHHH THE NEW YORK DOLLS!!!!!!" after I found out. I'm still screaming in my head because I am so happy. I was Disneyland happy the whole time. Like frat boy with a new keg all to himself happy. I've never bounced up and down so much at a concert. I never thought I'd see them and then kaboom. There they are. Now I have to go stalk them while they're on tour. So here are a few happy punk drunk shots of THE NEW YORK DOLLS!!!!AAAAHHHHHAHAHHAHHAHAHH!!!!!

Isn't he so cute rockin' the belly shirt!!?!!!!! David Johansen, better known to you young'n's as Buster Pointdexter, rocks the house like nobody's business without breaking a sweat or seeming all that interested. And he's waaay skinnier than FB. Wow. The Stones wish they sounded as good and had as much energy as the Dolls '05. Maybe they should have broken up and gotten back together thirty years later. Keith would probably be dead , but they'd rock again, I bet.



OH, He so ready to rock. They did an awesome cover of Piece of my Heart. I almost died. No shit - it was amazing.



David looks confused. I think he can't find me in the crowd. He's so lost without his rock. That's me damn it!!!! Now I can throw my panties and die a happy man. So that's what he meant by "Looking For A Kiss" (the opening bars of which sent FB into convulsions of bliss when they opened the show with it). I wonder if Mr. Johansen knows that it's about FB...



My highlight was the abbreviated cover of original guitarist Johnny Thunders' solo masterpiece, "You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory" - dedicated to both Thunders and their other departed bandmember, Arthur Kane, who died of leukemia just over a year ago. It was, to this music geek at least, moving and it rocked - a rare feat.

All in all, this was the best Sunday ever. We had a blast and it renewed our belief that we both belong nowhere but L.A. for this time of our lives. You may not be able to put your arms around a memory, but a memory can wrap arms around you. This one will be hugging tight for lifetimes to come.

L-U-V, kids.