Time Magazine Sucks.

For those who still remember who he is - no, FB is not dead. And rumours of his Farewell Tour are greatly exaggerated. He's not fully vested in the Hot & Fresh 401k yet. He's just been on a recharging hiatus. He assures me that come Monday I will no longer be a sidekick sans hero. I think that was a compliment - or as close to one as he can get.

In any event, the reason I am bringing him up is that last night at the gym I was perusing the magazines and happened up Time magazine's The 25 Most Influential Hispanics In America. I don't know if you've read it yet, but if you haven't, I have some shocking news. Please sit down. Oh, right...internet, computer. Well, um, there's no easy way to say this.

We're not on the list.

That's right - neither FB nor moi made the cut on this supposedly comprehensive tome. Unlike many of the chosen ones, we don't speak Spanish. We haven't been married three times in seven years. We're not Attorney General. And we sure as hell don't like this in an evening gown. But seeing as I've never heard of most of the selected, I'd say we should have been given more careful consideration. Or a phone call to let us know where the party was going to be. Vanity Fair would have at least called us for the composite photo shoot.

I suppose all our contributions are too low key. That time I made rice and only burned like, half of the bottom? When FB learned to make chile rellenos from my grandmother? The fact that I've seen Like Water For Chocolate at least twice? Apparently these acheivments don't count for anything. So here, in front of El Dios and all of our readers, I'm throwing our sombreros in officially for next time. We will be on the next list and we may even be on the cover!

We'll see the Virgin of Guadalupe in every tortilla we happen upon. I'll eat menudo every weekend - hungover or not. FB will buy all of those mariachi records Linda Ronstadt made. We will not just go back to our roots, we will tend them, fertlize them and grow into the biggest, baddest Homo-American Hispanics on the vine. We will each be getting married and divorced at least three times in the next year. And who knows? Maybe the Attorney General position will be available if Rehnquist steps down from the Supreme Court after all. In any event, we'll be there. And we'll tell them that we owe all of it to our loyal Hot & Fresh readership. Well, almost all of it - we'll probably owe several big favors to the Mexican Mafia by the end of our campaign. But we'll be able to throw some kick ass fiestas.

Now, I don't want you think this is just about us. Other notables left off the list included: Lynda Carter (why, yes she is half Mexican), Trent (!), and Freddie Prinze, Jr.! Alright. Win some, lose some. If Wonder Woman beats you to list, you still win. And Trent's waay more established and has far more readers. If Buffy's Sarah Michelle's lesser half beats you at ping pong, you should call it a day. So our standing is still somewhere in between greatness and a half step away from cater-waiter. But we're climbing that ladder.

Look out Cantinflas! And stand aside Bumblebee Guy! J6 & FB are primed and poised to make every day gigante, not just Sabado. ¡Qué Lastima, bitches!

-J.

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