Yesterday was just your typical Sunday. FB & I trekked over the hill to visit Pimpin' D. Naturally, all three us decided to take a 99 Cents Only Store pregnancy test. (They're actually fitty cents, since there's two per box, but I digress...) After figuring out the complicated instructions, one by one, we peed on those little green fortune sticks.
While we waited for results, FB caught up on hard hitting news of the day thanks to the LA X-Press.
"Did you guys know that Matt Damon's middle name is Paige?"
After a torturous three minute wait, we were ready for the news. It's moments like this - the ones where everything may change in just an instant - when you really take your life into account. Am I ready for this? Will s/he look like me or dear old dad? And just who is dear old dad? With all of that in mind, we braved the great unknown together.
Sadly, it was not to be. We'd feared those two red lines and yet, when only the one showed...well, the looks on our faces tell the story better than I ever could. Witness the face(s) of being young, gay, and without child...
Sadness and lack of hormones got the best of us for a time. But then a funny thing the happened...
We realized, "Why would we want to be pregnant anyway?!?!"*
So we looked on the bright side and celebrated. We hit the town for fish 'n' chips and later sushi. And I made sure to take with us our evidence.
That way, if something bad (like a mugging or FB slipping and getting some nasty-looking scrapes and bruises as we ran down the boulevard), we could all say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant."*
-J.
This post was sponsored by the Lowered Expectations Committee.
*Clarification (08:11am 09/06/05): This post in no way implies that being pregnant is a bad thing. It just would be for us. Besides the obvious physical limitations (where would it birth from? ouch!), we would have to give up our cruising habits. And that would really be society's loss...
7 comments:
Wouldn't you know it wasn't the two of you throwing up ...
what a sad day! we need more gay babies in the world. hurry up and get yourselves knocked up!
ix-nay on the apes-scray. We don't want people to know we've been beating him...
Oops, I've said too much already.
Verification word art (degsbeh):
Do elephants get sad because everyone hollers?
what's with dav and the elephants?
I'm beginning to think you fellas need your own skit show or something!
Hey,Logo needs some more shows-go for it:D
There's nothing worse than having a scare and then having to recount the possible daddies.
phew!!! I was so worried I might have a child running around nine months from now.
Poor Pimpin D, my only hope is that it was the "good kind of drunk throw up."
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