A Lowe Blowe

I am currently listening to: Prairie Wind by Neil - like being with an old friend. Not exactly what I expected - the occasional strings and horn section are a really nice touch, but I didn't expect them. But is that Emmylou Harris I hear harmonizing on "This Old Guitar"? Heaven, I tells ya. hat our good buddy Jake says, this Southern California Man needs Mr. Young around.

Tonight, after purchasing my newest listening experience, I decided to wander a bit around the local shopping center. After watching everything close before my eyes (they practically kicked me out of Best Buy as I paid!), I made my exit. It was then that I saw the most horrifying thing possible. From the parking lot, Lowe's seemed awfully bright. Construction work? A fire? An overzealous employee in the home lighting department? As my eyes adjusted to the flouresence, I realized what I was actually looking at:

Christmas lights.

Autumn isn't officially a week old. October 1st isn't until Saturday. And the Halloween decorations are still selling briskly - I don't even have a costume yet! I don't need a hardware store reminding me that soon enough I'll have to decide if I'm gonna decorate the staircase in lieu of a Christmas tree or if I should send my family gifts or just wimp out with gift cards again. But I can hardly blame Lowe's - they're just bowing to peer pressure. So they got the jump on Target this year. HSN runs that Christmas in July shit every year! No, this isn't really any one retailer's fault, not even Wal-Mart (and I hate Wal-Mart so much I won't even link to them!). If I want to address an issue such as this, I have to go straight to the source: Jesus.

No offense, Lord, but I don't even start talking about my birthday plans until a month ahead of time. And considering you're over 2000, I think a three month headstart is a bit much to ask. Perhaps you really do think Halloween is an evil, leftover pagan celebration. I'll dress up as the Holy Ghost instead of a regular ghost if it'll make you feel better. Also, it's a little hypocritical of you since December 25 ain't anywhere near your real birthday, either (trust me on this one, I'm a former seminarian...) and it used to be quite the pagan holiday itself. Now I know you want to get to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and A Christmas Story as badly as I do. But here's a little secret: the DVD. You can watch those all year long. And since you hold eternity, you've literally got forever!

I implore you: Let Linus wait up for the Great Pumpkin first. Let us fight with our friends, families, and uninvited guests over slightly burnt delicately smoked turkeys in November. The day after Thanksgiving is still plenty of lead time to find that perfect tie Dad will never wear or that real estate Lucy & FB both need so badly. If it's an excuse to turn the office Christmas party's punchbowl into wine you're looking for, I'll bring you along to mine and you can guestblog all about it.

So for the love of, um, your Dad, please - at least give us until October 1st. Haven't we suffered enough?

-J.

This post was sponsored by the Bah Humbugger Committee.