Personal Equinoxes

It's been a rough month so far for blogging, folks. The Autumn usually hits me pretty hard and while this one hasn't been has bad as others, I also haven't had the creative spark I wish I did. That said, I do have some observations and sometimes you just have to strike flint yourself to get sparks - they don't happen by magic, after all...

So many people I know these days are at crossroads. Babies, engagements, new jobs, the start of the school year, new relationships, basically, you name a change of life, someone I know is doing it. (Yes, even menopause - it's all over my work!!!). People are interesting and fragile at these moments that I like to call "personal equinoxes." What always strikes me - and I'm speaking only for me right now - is how much the past comes into play when these moments strike us. Old patterns, old habits, and especially old friends take on new meaning and new roles. For instance, here's a small one: I stopped biting my nails about six weeks ago. I've been chewing my nails down to the bit since I was a small, small child. Around the end of July, I'd just had enough. I stopped in a quick but gradual process.

For the first few days, every time I caught myself biting my nails, I'd stop and think about what was just bothering me or what I was thinking about. Truth be told, I never really found a deep psychological link. It just seems to have been nervous energy. But it helped me focus and stop. Second, I didn't let myself bite anymore. I could chew a little, but no biting. Finally, there was no biting. And then I started clipping them regularly. And then filing. And finally, they were growing. I didn't just have that stray nail I hadn't savaged yet. I had a whole hand of nails - I could scratch, tap, and make the cool secretary sound on a keyboard. For the first time in 28 years, I wasn't self conscious about the very hands that bring you this message.

Pretty mundane sounding, I know. But accomplishment is accomplishment. And breaking yourself of a habit you've had since before you could add is actually a pretty big deal. I'm letting go of a lot of things and learning all sorts of new tricks these days. Having nails is but the latest visible reminder of where my life is now and where it used to me.

Now is there any significance to the the fact that I scratched myself in my sleep with them and had to cut them short? Eh, it's probably best not to think too heavily about that one.

-J.

This post was sponsored by the File Under... Committee.