It appears that the fine folks at Yahoo! Search Marketing (can anyone explain to me what they do exactly?) are moving to Burbank. As a transplant myself, I thought I'd take the time and give them a few pointers:- No, that is not an earthquake. The trains go by all day and if your building expects to survive the inevitable quakes, it's on rollers. Trains simulate this gently. It also means that when a real one hits, unless it's a pounder and something above a 4.0, you won't think anything of it until it's passed.
- Oddly, the planes flying overhead aren't that loud. Unless they insulated your building cheaper than they did my apartments. If they did that, I'd quit and go work for, um AltaVista or something.
- This guy parks right across the street from you. If he's working for you, don't fire him but encourage him to quit. Having a red Civic is just tacky.
- Watch out for the cops. They're bored and they only have one city to patrol, unlike the LAPD. They'll bust you on anything, especially if you don't look like a native.
- There's a Target, a Best Buy, & assorted food places just down the street. Unfortunately, it is often packed with the dregs of humanity. Go during off-peak hours, which is to say: avoid until January.
- Yield for pedestrians, especially when they have a walk signal. This isn't Glendale, fer cryin' out loud!
- If you like Thai food, you can't beat Thai House. I recommend the Lard Na, but I hear the Chicken Pad Thai is awesome as well.
- There are three AMC theatres in about a block radius. Don't go to the one inside the mall (unless you're seeing an art house film the other two aren't showing) - it's full of teenagers and all of the screens are tiny.
- A short distance from you is an area called Toluca Lake. They call it that, but we all know it is just Burbank for rich folks. The difference is, because they're stupid, they have to call the LAPD for assistance. Also, it is mostly populated with screenwriter/actor/delusional transplants who try and run you over with their carts at Trader Joe's.
- Finally, if you see me walking around - I'll be the cutie, probably in some Superman t-shirt, ignore me. I have enough friends, dammit!
Well, that turned out to be more than I expected. Not just good advice for the new Yahoos moving in, but for all who might visit/move to/work in the grand city of Burbank, California, home to me and the great Patton Oswalt!
-J.
This post was sponsored by the Yahoo! - Serious? Committee.
2 comments:
The couple of times I've been over the hill, ut's like a whole new world.... and not exactly my cup of tea!
The Valley isn't much to look at, but it's a nice, quiet existence if you want it to be. And Burbank isn't too far from the fun stuff.
I miss you, too, Miss Armilish. When's our next great american porn store hunt?
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