Moms just wanna have fun, too.

The Week In Reviews! Day 2:
Confessions On A Dance Floor, Madonna & The Body Acoustic, Cyndi Lauper

In 1983, there was a less catty and more interesting discussion in pop music than the Britney vs. Christina debate - Madonna or Cyndi Lauper. When two plucky Italian gals burst onto the pop charts, music critics did what they do best: compare apples and oranges. Most agreed that Cyndi was the more talented and picked her for the long haul. Madonna was a flash-in-the-pan who would be forgotten in a year or two. It's hard to argue with their initial reaction. She's So Unusual remains one of the most striking debuts in pop music history and it spawned four top five singles. As solid a dance record as Madonna was, it was a hardly breaking ground. But we all know how the story goes: Ms. Lauper scored only a handful of hit singles (most notably "True Colors," "I Drove All Night" and, yes - "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough") through the rest of the decade while Ms. Ciccone proceeded to take over the world.

In truth, there was never any contest in the business department. Cyn, like most of us, lacked Madge's business sense and naked ambition (that pro wrestling stint didn't help album sales, I'm sure) even while her own vocal talent far outshone any other measure of success. Her two follow-ups to Unusual were creatively spotty at best and the two studio releases since were great but received little attention. Far from a has been, but also far from a star anymore, she's perhaps been most prominent in recent opening act duties for divas like Cher and Tina Turner. Anyone at those shows can attest to the fact that the successful sales couldn't match passion and vocal fireworks she puts on, to say nothing of her standards showcase, the spare a beautiful At Last album from a couple of years ago. (I saw her win over a Tina crowd with a set that included only three big hits mixed in with all-new material. Did I mention she was six months pregnant at the time?)

But that's a fixed fight, too. Nobody has ever listened to Madonna for her voice. Well, not her singing one, anyhow. So with their most recent releases out within a week of one another, the opportunity came to reappraise the years gone by.

The Body Acoustic is obviously the idea of some record exec, right down to the misleading title (electric instruments show up - this ain't an Unplugged session) - it's a mix of hits, overlooked songs, and new numbers. Given that there are already two domestic hits collections, this is hardly necessary. But the fact that Cyndi Lauper is obviously not bored with those first five hits (yup, half of She's So Unusual is revisted here) sells this more than it has the right to be sold. If "She Bop" comes off a little serious for a number about masturbation, "Money Changes Everything," in particular really comes alive in it's new clothes. Not surprisingly, it's the newer numbers that seem most at home here, though. And "Shine" (the title track from a "lost" album only available in a Japanese import pressing) screams "I shoulda been a hit, dammit!" C'est la vie. She was barely concerned with stardom then and is making a good life and good music these days. And it's hard not to get into an album when you already know and love 80 percent of the material. If Sony would just let her release an album of original material now that she's done what they want, maybe they can convince her to record a fourth version of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" in 2015 when she's in her 60s!

Madonna, on the other hand, couldn't be more concerned with reconnecting to the public. Although there are no re-recordings on Confessions Of A Dance Floor, it's so rife with winking and nodding by way of referencing old songs, dyed-in-the-wool fans will have no end to playing the "catch the lyrical/melodical" game (FB's great catch: listen to "Push" and sing along the lyrics of "Like A Prayer"). There's even a little shoutout to Kylie Minogue's "Love At First Sight" on the very Kylie-sounding "Get Together." Rest assured, this isn't a sign of being out of ideas - it's a calculated move to make you shake your booty and remember why she made you fall in love with her despite the vocal shortcomings in the first place. On that level, Confessions succeeds brilliantly. "Sorry" is already making the buzz as the next single and the gays (especially Chip) seem to love it. As far as attempts to get back into public good graces after a flop, it's pretty darn ballsy to put out an all-dance record with no breaks between tracks. One caveat, though emptores - turn up the bass. Like your mom getting you take out the trash, the record sometimes needs to thump you to make you move. It took a few spins for me to like it, but even my two left feet can help but move more than a little now.

I'm not even going to attempt the score. Yes, Cyndi Lauper is still by far a better singer but Madonna is still a brilliant tactician who can't be counted out. My record collection, like my gay resume, wouldn't be complete with either of them. But despite Cyn's wrestling experience, I bet Madonna's Pilates & Yoga routine would ensure her a win in the squared circle...

-J.

This post was sponsored by the She Bops Like A Virgin! Committee.