How to start this one? I'll say it. I've found that in general, gays tend to discriminate against their own. At the core of it is an odd push and pull between the inclination to be a little feminine and the societal demand to "man up." There's no denying a general focus on appearance in the "mainstream" gay community. The pressure to look a certain way is very much like what women in our society go through. But it goes beyond that.
What I find weird is the way the word "bottom" gets thrown around as a quasi-insult. I've got my own issues with labels, especially sexual ones, but that's not really what this is about. The idea seems to be that being on the receiving end of sex somehow makes you weaker, inherently less than...something. What that something is, I'm not sure. As far I'm concerned, whether your a bottom for life or just for the evening, you're fifty-percent of a sex act. How does this define you other than this moment? And what does anyone get out of using this inclination against you?
As best as I can tell, it comes down to the masculinity issue - gender straitjacketing if you will. Ideas placed upon on us by an overwhelmingly heterosexual society enforce the idea that men do this, women do that. By and large, these ideas are crap. And the idea of gays, on the margins of said society, buying into these ideas is worse. Because really, where do such labels get us? Broken up into further subdivisions.
After all, at the forefront of "traditional" thought is that it is inherently unmasculine for men to be attracted to one another. Their own insecurity about violating this rule leads some self-professed "tops" to feel the need to look down on those who they label "bottoms" (whether they choose that label or not). I got a newsflash for these guys: you've got options. I'll assume you have two working hands at your disposal. Do the math. There's also toys out there just for you. Rubber is neither feminine nor masculine and it'll never be too nelly or fey for your taste. It will also never expect you to reciprocate.
The final option is a bit more radical and requires more tools than the mere physical. Ready for the revolution? Grow. The. Fuck. Up. Spend less time worrying about the sexual inclinations of others and realize that much of the world has been too worried about yours for far too long. Lose the pettiness, the labels, and just be. Be who you are: the labels in question could be switched out so easily for "gay" and "straight" or any other host of illogical comparisons you'd like to make.
You know what they say about protesting too much. I can't help but make the same assumption I'd make about an overly homophobic "straight" guy here. Maybe there's a certain amount of jealousy that plays a part. In any event, the only real bottom as far I'm concerned is the part of the barrel that's being scraped.
-J.
This post was sponsored by the Squarely In The Middle Committee.
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2 comments:
Brilliant my friend! And thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only one that feels that there's a division going on as well! (and it doesn't just have to do with bottoms and tops like you said)
Maybe if enough of us band together there's hope yet ;)
I have to say I've struggled with this, as well. But, then again, most of the drag queens I've met say they are tops.
Also, thanks for the Blogger advice. And, of course, Ms. Hepburn is staying. You can head on over to BaT and vote on your favorite possibility for the new BaT image.
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