Holiday Jeer...

Ever the heartwarmer, Ann Coulter has this holiday message up on her site:

To The People Of Islam:

Just think: If we'd invaded your
countries, killed your leaders and converted you to Christianity YOU'D ALL
BE OPENING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

Merry Christmas

I'm sure Jesus is very proud of her maturity and Christian compassion at this time. Too bad there isn't a well for Him to meet her at or a table of hers to overturn.

Finally!

The first post-Christmas post is also the much, much requested debut "Friends" post. More specifically, it's the Best Friend post. (And it's a holiday tie-in, natch!)

My best friend - FB for our purposes here - is easily the funniest person I have ever met. Inappropriate to be sure, but that's kind of his shtick. We dated briefly in his late teens/my early twenties. So, yeah, we've done the Fleetwood Mac thing. He's the Lindsey Buckingham to my Stevie Nicks. (He'll try and tell you otherwise, but every Lindsey is in denial about his role...). Thelast two years have easily been the most important of our time as friends. 2003 was about a shift in my professional life and living space. 2004, more than any year I can think of was filled with a lot of personal change. Through it all, my best friend and I grew as people and grew closer as a result. Everyone should be as lucky as I am, though I know almost nobody who is.

This year, FB shared with me some the best gifts in recent memory. I avoided all family & friend Christmas get-togethers and hid out, watching TV, including:

• Miracle on 34th Street - in B&W, not colorized, thank you.
• Boomerang's "A Very Jonny Questmas" marathon.
• BBC America's The Office Special.
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
• A Charlie Brown Christmas
• The Birdcage (is it me or is this never off the air?)
• The Judy Garland Christmas Special ("gayer than Christmas" joke, anyone?)

Some traditional, some offbeat to be sure, but it was what I wanted for Christmas and it's what my best friend gave me. Nothing wrapped in a bow could have compared. Here's hoping everyone has a safe New Year and if you don't have a FB, that you find one. Mine's taken.

Just a thought...

They say that when life throws lemons at you, make lemonade. I think with what today threw at me, I'm going to make a Lemon Drop martini. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve - maybe I'll have the holiday spirit then. For tonight, I'll celebrate a quietly sloshed Christmas Adam at home.

Cheers.

From the main office...

According to my one reader I'm not posting enough. I can't argue with that, although hopefully yesterday's Christmas rant will satisfy my fan until I can come up with more substantial material. Of course, this anonymous commenter does seem to know an awful lot about me, including my best friend. Could it be my very first internet stalker? Does that mean he/she doesn't count as a fan? In any event, more frequent posts are coming, dear reader (whoever you are...) - I promise.

And so this is Christmas...?

(this sat in my "Drafts" for a week, which is why it's dated December 13th but published December 20th - I'm still getting the hang of this...)

A lot of Bah Humbuggerstm making the news lately. Target is banning Salvation Army bell-ringers, Denver's Parade of Lights bans any religious references or songs, and Macy's & Bloomingdale's won't use the words "Merry Christmas" in their sale displays. Much is made of PC thugs who would deny the true meaning of this season. I can't argue with Christians who are offended by a barrage of advertisements by stores who won't even acknowledge the holiday they're celebrating. But I do, as you may have guessed, have a few gripes about this whole Christmas thing.

First off, Christ's birth is a wonderful message of love and hope to world. Whether you believe or not, I think that point can be agreed upon. But has anyone else noticed that Christ's birth stopped being the focus of Christmas before this season? Saint Nick replaced the Christ child as gift-bearer throughout Europe centuries ago. And in the U.S., "Silent Night" gave way to "White Christmas" decades ago. Sure, all of this Christmas-phobia is silly, but so is the idea of "Merry Christmas from Macy's" having any real meaning other than, "Shop at Macy's, Christians!" As slogans go, "Happy Holidays" is more honest. (And hardly new, I might add. The likes of Bing Crosby and Peggy Lee recorded Irving Berlin's "Happy Holiday" - hardly icons of a heathenistic time like ours...)

Besides, we don't know for certain when Christ's birth was - the winter's just one out of 4 choices. We do know that cultures that predate Christ celebrated around this time. They even used fir trees. The church eventually co-opted traditions and approximate dates to celebrate Christ's birth. For similar instances, see Day of the Dead, celebrated the same day as the Catholic Feast of All Souls, created as a counter to All Hallow's Eve. For that matter, see Easter. Christ's resurrection is celebrated, but the eggs, bunnies, and springtime symbology were used in similar celebrations long before that too.

None of the above validates or invalidates Christian faith or the meaning of Christmas itself. It just goes to show that Christianity isn't all there is. Why can't Santa and Jesus just get along? And if they're OK with each other, what's so wrong with acknowledging that people, (good, intelligent people, no less!) celebrate Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Hannukah, and/or Solstice? It seems to me that this time around there are two sets of Grinches trying to steal Christmas - those who don't want to acknowledge it and those who think they own it.

Season of giving indeed.

It's coming on Christmas they're cutting down trees, putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace...I wish I had a river I could skate away on... (Joni Mitchell, "River")

Retainers

Also highly recommended: visting your high school alma mater. I've been out of HS ten years this coming May and just attended a football game for the first time in almost as long. I also went and saw the fall play. Now, I only recommend this kind of venture if you feel comfortable answering the inevitable questions ("So what are you doing now?" et al) should you run into anyone. In my own weird way, I was ready. So off I went.

Oddly, rather than reflect on how much I've grown and changed over the years, I was first awestruck by how much the old place looked and felt the same. There's new buildings and a ton of new faces, but it really was the same place. I almost felt like picking up my books and going to class. And then it hits me: I'm not the geeky queer with braces anymore. I'm a grown-up, a boy (the "full grown man" thing doesn't work - I still can't get stubble) with a decent job and his own place. And there's a world full of kids who don't know how easy it is - and thank God for that. Trying to comprehend that life only gets harder even as it gets better would have killed me. They should also know this: I never wore my retainer after they took off those braces. And you'd never know it by looking at my teeth.

Seriously, though, I couldn't help but reflect how little I've retained with me since my days as a barely closeted dork. A few friends, some CDs, and my diploma were about all I can think of. Fewer and fewer friends are left as time goes by. Most of the CDs I've traded in for better ones. My diploma will almost certainly be lost sometime in the next few moves. And deep down, I will always be that geeky queer with the braces.

Surviving the Holidays

Thanksgiving, for all of it's wonderful lack of pretense (no gifts to buy, after all!), should be loads less stressful than Christmas. Alas, this year it was not to be. The agenda was a nice quiet, no frills dinner at my place for my roommate, two close friends, and yours truly. Then I got invited to a family gathering - by my grandmother. I cannot stress the difference that last part makes. Saying no to my grandmother was an impossibility.

But really, how difficult could it all be? My dinner's scheduled for 6pm. The family meal starts at roughly at 3pm. If I arrive there at noon, munch a little and leave immediately after, I'll be home in time to pull the turkey out at 3:30ish. But life always has plans. As fate would have it, my parents fly into town unexpectedly at the last minute, pushing my schedule back at least an hour.

Fine. I can roll with the punches - just a quick phone call home and the roommate can remove the turkey from the oven as scheduled. And even when I find out during that phone call that I forgot to place the pan below the turkey; I hear the apartment now looks like Willie Nelson's tourbus (without the dreamcatchers I imagine he has for some reason). But seriously, now the cracks are starting to show. Frantic running around I can handle - food preparation going wrong is just too much. I manage to sneak out in time to make it home by 5pm.

The evening is, to be quite honest a blur. I spend the evening on oblivious auto-pilot. Host, cook, bake, clean, repeat. The food turns out great, especially the smoked turkey. Chalk it up to another recipe I didn't know I had in me.

After everyone else has left I vow to my best friend that next year, we order in. For two. Any other interested parties can bring their own stuff.

How many days until Christmas again?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I repeat: Happy Thanksgiving!

Drama-filled stories from my two gatherings (family at my uncle's, friends at my place) tomorrow, I hope. In the meantime, what follows is a list of the trivial things I am thankful for. The important stuff, like family & friends, air to breathe, etc. is implied. :)

(In no particular order, BTW)

My new apple corer-peeler-slicer (greatest. invention. ever.)
the Crest SpinBrush
Law & Order:SVU reruns
Kleenex (I have a spankin' new cold!)
Tylenol Sinus
Innuendo
Biore Face Wash
U2's How To Build An Atomic Bomb
Caller ID
Harmless celebrity gossip
Nicknames (naughty or nice)
Awkward silences (sometimes the best laughs come from these)

That's all I can think of for now. Holiday madness tales coming soon!

In the beginning...

It's really come to this. After years of annoying friends, family, and anyone within the sound of my voice, I feel compelled to bother anyone and everyone who Googles certain subject matter. Let me start this one of on the right foot: Sorry about that. Feel free to hit that handy little "Back" button on whatever portal it is you've gotten here through now. I promise I won't be offended.